British scientists have produced a black coating that is 25 times blacker than conventional black paint. The scientists plan to use it to improve the vision of telescopes, but artists and goths are already drooling over the blacker-than-black substance. Even the description of how the new coating works sounds goth* - according to the BBC, it’s “an alloy of nickel and phospherous pitted with tiny curved craters [pictured here] which absorb light.” Just like the tiny curved craters can absorb my exquisite pain!

Sadly, the black black costs almost $980 for a 5 cm-square panel, which probably restricts its use to actual industrial applications for the time being. To sooth your inevitable angst, I gift you with the best piece of black-related poetry of all time. Originally from a friend’s high school literary magazine, it has been passed down lovingly throughout the years. Though now, perhaps the young and pained will compare their soul to cratered nickel and phospherous alloy rather than to a Metallica t-shirt.

Black
Author (thankfully) unknown

Black.
Black as my soul
Black as the Metallica T-shirt he wore
He didn’t invite me to the prom
He didn’t invite me to the prom
Dance.
I shall dance on his grave
And I shall wear
Black

The title of this post is stolen from this list of “I’m So Goth That…” sayings, which Adam K. sent me long ago.

*I mock because I love. (and because though I now wear colors, I still confuse everyone in my lab when I play Siouxsie or Switchblade Symphony.)