Justin tagged me with a “things I learned the hard way” meme. I usually am not a big fan of the viral memes (so don’t be sad if you tag me and I don’t respond) but this one called to me. It said, “Miriam, don’t you want to share some of your stupid science-related mistakes with the world?” Yes, world. Yes, I do.

1) Punk jewelry and diving are NOT COMPATIBLE. When I was an undergraduate, I had the amazing opportunity to go on a research trip to the Galapagos. It involved a lot of diving in challenging conditions, but having learned to dive in the Gulf of Maine school of cold-water/low-vis, I felt confident that I could handle the surge and the currents. Until during one dive in an absolutely ripping current, my ever-so-badass circular barbell earring got caught on my BC. So there I was with my head stuck sideways, hanging on to equipment (couldn’t drop anything since there was nothing but 300 meters of water below us), and still trying to count snails. I managed to complete the transect, but having my head stuck to my BC was painful and made me suck air. So my buddy and I had to ascend far from the boat, which caused us to get caught in a surface current going the wrong way, so we inflated our safety sausages and hoped they saw us before we hit Antarctica. We eventually got retrieved, my earlobe survived (though less intact than it had been) and now I wear plain ball closure earrings.

2) If you get seasick, avoid Cheetos. Like an astonishing percentage of marine scientists, I am a world-class upchucker (at least before I discovered the sweet, sweet nectar of prescription seasickness medication). So you’d think that I would be more aware of Foods that Are Bad. Nope. On my very first dive in San Diego, I ate my usual breakfast - coffee, orange juice, and toast. Immediately on anchoring the small boat, I started to notice the big, long-period swell, and tried to ignore it by eating a whole bag of Cheetos. Later, I would learn that acidic substances like coffee make seasickness worse - but what I learned that day is that regurgitated Cheetos make quite a hideous contrast with the kelp.

3) Don’t put your field sites next to a public beach. If your project involves studying the movements of 400 carefully numbered snails for several months, you might want to put them far away from the wandering hands of toddlers and families seeking soup ingredients. Because when you see an entire multi-generational family on your field site, and they are GATHERING UP YOUR SNAILS, then you will freak out and act like a crazy person and even the English-speaking members of the family will not understand why you are running towards them and shrieking. Especially do not do this if you are more visually intimidating than a short white girl, because that is apparently scary enough for said family to think you are a mugger.

I’m not going to tag anyone, but sharing your stupid science stories is good for the soul!