[Welcome, Boing Boing readers! Want more perverse invertebrates? The classic text is Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation, but there's tons of spineless smut in the blogosphere. For example, check out Kevin Z's ode to sea squirt sex foam or Zooillogix's Hot Necrophiliac Lesbian Bdelloids.]
Ah, tentacles, that mainstay of horrifying anime. Haven’t you ever wished to move beyond the cephalopods and into the wide world of tube feet and cilia and barnacle appendages?
Mr. Balan U.S. Nubilus sure wants to. Boing Boing brings us Mr. Nubilus’s “A Brief Essay on the Sad Lack of Imagination in Invertebrate Oriented Erotica with Brief Notes on the Lascivious Nature of Both the Lophotrochozoa and Ecdysozoa, or, Getting Beyond “Hur hur! That Squid Tentacle Looks like Penis!” An excerpt (X-rated, obviously, but SFW if no one looks at the actual text):
Stepping back into the wider invertebrate kingdom yields even more possibilities. The whole lophotrochozoan group of phyla is replete with even more opportunities for deviance. I mean, come on now, there is an entire phyla called the Ectoprocts (yes, I have friends who are ectoproctologists) meaning exterior anus. These colonial buggers have an anus located right next to their mouth – which doubles as a sexual opening. The possibilities for a double penetration menage a trois are truly astounding. Add to that the fact that these beasties form calcified colonies, with specialized zooids representing all manner of shape and form, and – let’s just say that were our intrepid team of buffed macho bois to come upon the cave of the giant lusty crust, they could both engage, and be engaged in, almost any manner of mischief the author could concoct, with DPs all around!
And Mr. Nubilus was kind enough to give the Oyster’s Garter a shout-out on Boing Boing! Clearly, he is a fellow connoisseur of lewd lamellibranchs.